I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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