You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
