It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
