Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
