Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
