when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
this is an emotional support booty call
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
