I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
