I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
