I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
