I puked a lego.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
