i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
