I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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