I wanna bring you to show and tell
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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