My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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