she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
