he told me I talked like a deaf person
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
