can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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