Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
