could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
50% drunk capacity currently
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
