you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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