You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
