Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
