The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
