fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
