YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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