wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
