i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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