I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
