4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
