My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
