You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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