Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
