Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
