Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
