That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
