i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
ttyl tear gas
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
