it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
