I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
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