I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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