Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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