so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he thought i was a dude.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
