I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
