I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
