woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
