I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
