The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
