There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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