your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
