I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
