all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
