I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
