hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
