I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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