And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
