Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
