you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
